The Weather Gods and Poop Rock
A long, long time ago, the weather gods had much to do.
They sent the mist and the sun showers,
Brought the winds that blew the flowers and the cool winds of fall,
Sprinkled the powdery snow and the large snowflakes too,
And sometimes even called down the scary typhoons and storms.
They watched over the whole wide world.
“Here, there, everywhere….”
“Ouch! My head hurts!”
When their work was done, the weather gods sat down on a rock to play.
This rock was the “Weather God Rock” in Jeolla-do.
The people who lived below the Weather God Rock made their living as farmers.
They grew rice, beans, corn, and sweet potatoes.
They had many farms to plant and many things to do.
One year, the farmers became very worried.
“Oh dear, oh dear. What are our weather gods doing?”
“They haven’t sent any rain. What in the world could they be doing?”
“Are they playing Baduk on the Weather God Rock?”
“Have they gone off to see the world?”
“We need the weather gods to send the rain for the crops to grow.”
“Maybe we need to go up to the Weather God Rock and see what’s going on.”
The people whispered among themselves and started to make a plan.
From that day on.
Sizzle, sizzle! Bubble, bubble!
The people carefully prepared food with sincerity.
Even though things were hard, they made rice cakes and liquor.
The women of the village enjoyed themselves and ate lots of food.
They made barley rice and ate it up—munch, much!
They boiled and feasted on corn—crunch, crunch.
They roasted sweet potatoes and gobbled them up—yum yum!
They ate their fill and patted their bellies.
They waited patiently, letting out a fart.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to the bathroom to pee.”
“Make sure you don’t poop!”
After a few days, the people of the village gathered under a large tree.
“Let’s go up, let’s go up,
Let’s go up to the Weather God Rock!
Since we can’t have any bad luck,
We can’t bring anyone who has eaten meat,
Anyone who has seen a snake,
Anyone who has been in a fight,
Anyone who has been to the mourner's house,
Or anyone who has not taken a bath!”
“Oh, I’m going to die.”
“I really have to poop!”
“Hold it just a little bit longer.”
The women of the village prepared a feast on the Weather God Rock and bowed their heads.
“Oh dear weather gods, oh dear weather gods!
If you have noses, smell this delicious food.
If you have mouths, taste this feast.
If you have ears, hear our words.
If you have eyes, look down over our fields.
Please, send down the much-needed rain over our land!”
“Oh dear weather gods, hear us…”
“Oh dear weather gods,
Will it rain tonight?
Will it rain tomorrow?
Will it rain the day after tomorrow?”
The leader of the women asked.
“What are we doing now?”
“How long do we have to hold it?”
“Oh no!”
“I can’t hold it any longer.”
“I’ve got to let it out soon!”
The people played making loud noises on the Weather God Rock.
So that the weather gods would come down on the rainclouds.
“Sing, people, sing!
Call and call the rain!
Call and call the weather gods!”
“Ok everyone, there’s just one more important thing to do.
You’ve had a hard time trying not to poop, haven’t you?
Ok, get ready, everyone….”
The men cleared their throats and stood back as far as they could.
Without a sound, the women pulled up their skirts and squatted down.
The children as well quick hurried and pulled down their pants.
“Push, push! Plop!”
Poop spread completely across the rock.
Sticky poop like rice!
Squishy and watery poop!
Poop pointed like icicles!
Round poop like little eggs.
Thick long trails of poop!
Poop that spread far and wide!
Poop in big, heaping piles!
Piles of golden poop even lay piled on the weather gods’ checkers board.
“Oh, that’s so disgusting!”
“Look at that poop—that one’s mine!”
“Be quiet!”
“Quickly, quickly, let’s go!”
“Everyone, hurry up!”
“Are we just going to go home without saying anything?”
“Be quiet, be quiet!”
“Pretend you don’t know what happened!”
“Don’t talk or you’ll get in trouble!”
“Shh!”
“Who did this?”
“Our rock has turned into poop!”
“Barf”
“It wasn’t just a couple of people!”
“Hurry and call down the rainclouds to wash it away.”
“Rainclouds won’t be enough.”
“Call down the lightning and thundershowers!”
“Call down the heavy rains for the fields, the pouring rain—call down everything!”
When fall came, the fields were filled with golden crops.
The people who lived under the Weather God Rock no longer worried about drought.
Every year, the rice and bean farmers planted their crops and lived and ate well without a care.
That’s because they all knew the secret of how to call down the rain!